the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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