I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Bring me that man meat
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
