you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
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I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
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Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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