What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
