Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
