all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
