if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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