Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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