She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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