I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
