There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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