i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
