Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
