there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
