I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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