I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
