Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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