Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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