My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
