when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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