i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
