She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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