in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
