Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
