pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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