dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
