So drunk its hurt
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
