I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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