Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
