Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
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My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
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Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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