My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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