I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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