I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
