This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
