"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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