I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
soo... how was my night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
