very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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