So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
