He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
