You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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