my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
