I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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