You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
