Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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