This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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