I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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