Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
