There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
