1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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