1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
