I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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