Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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