You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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