hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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