i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
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Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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