Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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