we should wear snuggies to the strip club
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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