just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
