dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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