She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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