I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
