We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
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He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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