Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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