I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
