he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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