Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
