I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
